Nothing seems better than the idea of forming a relationship with the person you love. The thought of leaving that person is heartbreaking, even if the relationship is killing you. Love is blind, and sometimes cruel. We can fall for an unsuitable human being on purpose or unintentionally. Love can cause us to focus solely on the good parts at the start, and identify the cons later on. It is also possible that your significant other changes over time or you grow into someone with different priorities. The bottom line is that you are not happy in that relationship anymore, but cannot think of a life out of that relationship either.
What is a Toxic Relationship?
A relationship is defined as toxic when one of the two individuals is experiencing physical, mental, or emotional stress. Some cases that involve severe physical violence or abuse are entirely nonnegotiable, and the victim must immediately call for legal assistance. On the contrary, some relationships do not show any problematic signs on the outside. Two people simply drift apart or lose interest in each other. They are only living together out of habit or often because of their children. Communication becomes mechanical, intimacy is next to nonexistent, and one or both parties are constantly subject to loneliness or emptiness. Then there are examples where one partner is cheating, or keeping secrets for the wrong reasons.
Healthy relationships require cooperation from both sides, and become dysfunctional when the balance is not maintained. The roles of ‘giver’ and ‘taker’ should invariably switch between partners. When one of the two permanently becomes the ‘giver’ and the other only receives, the relationship becomes toxic. It is unacceptable when he or she is always letting you down and you have to cope with all the anxiety and distress, just to keep the boat afloat. Your significant other could be taking you for granted, or acting in a way to make you feel inferior. Remember that you two are equal in all aspects, and have the right to be treated respectfully. Do not agree to disagree and fight for yourself, so that your worth is recognized and appreciated.
How to Let Go
Despite being loveless and hurtful, letting go of a relationship demands a lot of courage and strength. It is commonplace for individuals to avoid taking the big step, and subsequently tell themselves that they need more time. Stalling the issue is not the equivalent of being indecisive, but in fact means that you have chosen to not resolve the conflict. The first step is to accept the truth that your relationship is unhealthy and needs to fixed or ended. Bring your mind and heart on the same page, to justify the need for freedom.
If you cannot make up your mind about the future of a relationship, make a list of all the things that are wrong with it. Written words have an undeniable power and helps bring out points in the back of your brain. Once that list is done, make a list of good things in the same relationship (if there are any). Compare the two and it will be clear that which list weighs more. When the negatives are way too many, you must realize it is time to pull the plug. Another mistake individuals make is to blame themselves for all the troublesome situations. In reality, both parties are at fault and it is irrational to pin everything on either one.
After you have figured out everything that is wrong with your relationship, it is best to get closure. Leaving with unsaid words or bottled up emotions makes a person feel burdened for life. After speaking your mind to the significant other, it will become easier to get over him/her. Do not seek closure after breaking up, because that will become an excuse to see your ex again; you are likely to get sucked back into the cycle of dilemmas.
Sometimes talking to each other about how you really feel can open doors for reconciliation. This usually happens when one person feels unloved or believes that he/she has fallen out of love. If the feeling is mutual, both parties can leave without feeling guilty or betrayed. In case of mixed feelings, it is better to take some time apart instead of calling quits. This is most reasonable for couples who are married with children. During the time apart, couples tend to comprehend their own flaws and uncover valuable traits of the partner. Other times they just feel relieved, and hiring a divorce attorney appears to be the best option.
During the time apart, they should rediscover themselves and indulge in activities they were missing out. As a newly independent man or woman, you shall rely on a support system to help you recover. The support system constitutes of friends and family who will aid in the healing process, give advice, and make you feel better about yourself. You shall meet new people and truly acknowledge what you want in a relationship. Make a list of all the qualities you desire in your significant other. Let’s say you write down ten attributes, but finding them all in one person would be practically impossible. Narrow it down to five, and try to work with that. Prevent repeating mistakes of your previous relationships and reflect on self-improvement as well.
